Below are highlights from an email MLP Director Cheri Sicard received from Craig Frazier that he asked her to share. Frazier called Cheri 2 days ago upon learning the news that President Obama had granted him clemency from a de-facto life sentence (40 years) for a nonviolent marijuana conspiracy offense.
This is a super bad time to be out of phone time until the 7th of the month, and with so many people to call and thank here too! That’s not about the money. I could have $7 million on the books but feds only allow inmates to use the phone 300 minutes, per inmate, per month. Just how they roll around here. No worries, I do have unlimited email though too. I have never spent $30 dollars in emailing, etc. in a two days before either. That’s a record as well. Mainly on printing fees.
Frankly, I have been speechless, and at a loss for words. Trust me, that’s rare for me; esp., in written form too. Worse, I haven’t had my medication in 9 days now. They said it was ordered today. Whatever; I am not going to complain about anything at this point, but my body is definitely reacting to the news faster than the mind was/is. I am down to 139pounds, fully dressed today, and I haven’t been this light since 1991. I haven’t slept in days. Especially, now after getting that news…
It all started on Monday. I was outside, listening to Greg Laurie, who’s one of my radio preachers, pondering, praying, and getting my head right. This is something I do every morning before even checking my emails. Taking that time out, listening to the word first before starting my day.
Well, they had been paging me over the intercom, getting pretty pissed off. Finally, just about ready to recall the prison to find me. They do that when they are really looking for someone, and boy does it upset and piss off the prison population too. They were looking hard for me as I was going outside on a medical run. FOr security reasons, they cannot tell you those things in advance, they just kidnap you wherever you are, shackle you up, tossing you in the van.
So, everyone sees me straight disappear, last seen going to R&D which is release area too. By the time I got back from the medical trip, the word was I got commutation and was immediately taken out of here. Little did everyone know that news would be less than 24 hours away!
Craig Frazier’s Thoughts on the Medical Run and His Own Mortality
Myself I was thinking this has to be really had news. They don’t do these “field trips” for good news. I was thinking the colonoscopy and biopsy came back cancerous or something. By the time we got there, I was really plexing, pondering all of that.
I don’t like to say this, but I feel my time on the streets will be short. Not short as in back to prison short. But short, as in death. Not sure why I feel that way, and scary to write that, but I had that feeling a few years back. I was thinking something terminal, etc. I am not worried about it. Death is part of life, AND NONE OF US ARE PROMISED tomorrow. So, best to repent and “get right” now.
Anyway, I got a clean bill of health on the biopsy! They found the source of excessive internal bleeding, and inpatient surgery will fix that, no problem. So, they put me in for that, and that’s about $10K or better for that to get done. I suspect I will try and wait here to get that done before I leave unless there’s some way around this? I don’t have insurance or the cash to get this done on the streets, so? Any input there on public health care??
That was wonderful news to me, but the best part of that trip was seeing this Honda with white smoke such barreling out of the back of it, really pissing my captors off. When we got up to the car, it was just some kid, ghetto car, but he was in bliss and paradise with his ride. First set of wheels I am sure. All I could think about was myself and a 1964 Chevy I bought in Seattle for $150 when I was 17 years old. It took over 32+ quarts of oil, to get it back to Montana. When it got hot, it would smoke so bad you couldn’t see anything out the rearview window at all. I drove it all the way back to home, picking up a hitch hiker from Germany. He was so blown away by that, saying they would put us in prison for this over there. By the time I hit Helena, I was putting 90 weight, rear end oil in it, and knocked a hole in the radiator. I finally got pulled over at the gates of the mountains, and the HP officer just laughed, and let me go, talking my way out of that one. So, for me, seeing him was the best part of that trip.
What Made the Clemency News “Real” for Craig Frazier
The first two days has been surreal. I haven’t slept. Not aware of my surroundings at all. Craziness. I cannot even remember to take my towel to the shower. Oddly enough, my tennis shoes was posted up in the shower stall though.
The call wasn’t what made it real. Sure, that put me on the toilet, making my body think I was doing Coke again after decades, but the mind didn’t register. Odd, no puking. It wasn’t until I saw some emails from the outside of others seeing the list that it really hit me. Better yet, when Cheri sent the full clemency list to me via email, seeing it in print — that’s when it became more real to me!
The crazy part was I went to commissary. I got over there and I was singing loud to my black friends, “I know when that HOTLINE BLING, it can only mean one thing! Of Course, I am repeating the chorus to my black coworkers. They know I am nuts anyway. Finally, I am like what’s the next lyrics…”it can only mean one thing.” I GOT AN INCOMING CALL, and phones don’t ring in prison!”
Now, they were at attention, paying attention too, finally getting what I am saying and what happened.
During count, I was putting away commissary items going through my rituals of “rotating the stock”. That’s when I started laughing. I am not going to be here long enough to worry about that BS! But it also showed that my mind hadn’t snapped out of the rituals yet.
It’s been a lot of fun giving all my stuff away too. I have had great fun with that, and am taking my time with it. There are plenty of poor people in here, and I don’t’ want a bunch of prison reminders around me anyway. That stuff has an energy to it and thus, belongs in here in my opinion.
For the first day, I couldn’t even type. Nor would the phones take my voice print. Too stressed (more like excited) for the voice to match, and thus not allowing any calls to go through. No worries. I knew that my attorney had called my mother. Therefore, I was not in any big rush, and there’s only one phone on during daytime hours for 128 guys to use anyway.
I did wake up that first night, and got 4 hours sleep. I woke up at 4 AM, and was wondering is it real? When I got up to pee, I DEFINITELY looked to see if that list was on top of my locker still, worried that this was the most vivid dream of my life. Nope, it was still real.
Craig Frazier: The Emotions Showed Up the Next Day
Emotions: Those didn’t show up until the next day. That’s when I prayed with a guy that’s been down 27 years and his father died in prison at 92. He’s 65 and on the same, life indictment. Giving him the news, praying, etc. That hammered it home, and telling him about losing my dad, commutation, etc.
And, from there, thinking about Nikki. She waited 9 years for me, waiting for me to come home. Frankly, that’s when I finally lost it. She’s a part of me now, and I know she with me, seeing all this happen. There’s no sorrow in heaven, and therefore, she’s got no worries down here are my thoughts there.
This has to be one of the most expensive emails ever. Worth it though. I was woefully cautious not to “toot my own horn” on this matter. Giving the credit where it belongs [to God]. More on part of that later. However, I did make the Spanish Service. There’s no English one until Sunday. The big church ones. I didn’t care; the first time that call was made I was there. No choice in that.
I totally dislike public speaking. So, I just sucked it up and did it with a translator. I did about a 10 minute testimony. Warming up for the English version on this Sunday evening. I suspect that one will be 15 minutes plus. There was probably 100 people there, and the Spirit was moving. It was awesome to share things. To share that our life stories is the most important thing to be talking about on why we believe, and being ready to give an answer on why we believe (1 Peter 3:15).
I was able to share that one of the Mexican guys here was the one that guy me to step up my game. I was able to share how it was the Original Baby Mamma (Darci’s Mom) who reached out to me, getting me to repent and back on the path.
Here the part that I was “on the fence” about. I take notes, and outline when I write. When I speak, it’s the same on line notes to remind of the topic. From there, I will speak “off the cuff”. In August of last year, I woke up at 2 am and took notes. I was told to do so by a voice in my head that wasn’t my own. And, since my writing is so bad, I took the time to retype that on the email, which has a time-date stamp on it of last year.
Since I am “crazy” and have a lot of chatter going on up there, I tend to recognize a voice that’s not my own, paying attention to that. I was instructed to sit on that message until the appropriate time. Hmm,? I was really out nothing by doing so, and so I did it. Frankly, I didn’t want to tell that part; esp., to non-believers. I truly didn’t, and wanted to totally leave that part out. But I did tell it. After I got done, gave the testimony, and showed the date stamp, that was the one that made them all get that WOW look and full belief [vs. any doubts]! God is good!
I also knew I was coming home real soon, as Satan was shooting at me before the gate has opened. Lots of temptations back home and I sensed I was soon to be “battle tested”. So please pray for me.
Craig W. Frazier